We could all tie ourselves in knots working out how to make a man fall in love with us, but perhaps there’s a simpler approach than manipulation, playing games, and strategies.
Ever since the publication of the book The Rules, which purported to tell women how to behave so that they could ensnare men, there’s been a bit of a belief that to trap and have a man love you, you have to manipulate him somehow.
But I want to propose a different strategy: being honest, open, and what we’d call “clean” in our relationships and dealings with men – and, for that matter, with everybody else to.
You see, this is a matter of integrity. When you behave in a way that is decent, honourable and truthful, you and he both know where everybody stands. Honest communication becomes much easier, heart-to-heart communication becomes truly meaningful, and trust develops more quickly. (You can see a good model for authentic communication right here.)
Having said that, there are certain things that men are looking for in women. For example we know that men are going to fall in love with women who have certain characteristics much more quickly.
So for the benefit of you women out there who still want to know if there are any things that you can do to make a man fall in love with you, here are some answers.
1 Don’t Play Hard to Get
Or, “Simply Have a Busy Life That Is Full of Your Own Interests”!
You see, the idea that women should play hard to get, and thereby entice a man into “the chase” is all very well.
But the downside is that a lot of men these days are internally disempowered. For all kinds of reasons that we don’t need to go into here, truly solid masculinity is becoming a bit of a rare quality in men.
Which is not to say you can’t nab a masculine man, because you obviously can – there are plenty of them around. What I’m saying is is that there are plenty of men around who aren’t going to be confident enough to engage fully in the chase!
So if you want to lead a man on, in other words you want to get him riding after you like a knight on a charger, you need to be careful. What you might find is that he doesn’t have the self-confidence and masculine strength necessary to play that game.
An alternative is simply to maintain your own life.
Do the things you’re interested in doing. Spend time with your friends. See your family. Enjoy your hobbies. And in amongst those activities create time for your man.
What’s going to happen here is that when he sees you have a full and enjoyable life without him, he’s going to work harder to get hold of you.
That’s because he’ll be intrigued and want to know more about you.
He‘ll want to know exactly what turns you on and what makes you excited, and what he can do to enjoy feelings of closeness and emotionally connected times with you.
You see true, the truth is that you really don’t need to do anything to nab a man.
All you need to do is express your interest and then wait for him to step into his masculinity and make the moves on you. This is very different from playing games, making yourself “unavailable”, or any of the other silly strategies that have been recommended over the years.
I can tell you that these strategies are all about amusing women and giving them a sense of power, rather than encouraging them to have a truly wonderful, heart-centred and honest relationship with a man. Read more about men and love here.
2 Share Exciting Times
You might have seen reports that when people – in this case men and women – do things that are exciting or risky or dangerous together, they develop much stronger feelings of attachment, and they do that more quickly.
And it seems to be true: there is evidence that adrenaline makes us fall in love faster.
The evidence for this is a little bit sketchy, but it does seem to suggest that if you’re doing something risky or daring then you have more chance of loving and being loved, and experiencing this more quickly than you otherwise might.
It’s something to do with the effect of adrenaline on the brain: sharing a risky activity with another person seems to bring about an attachment to them.
But we all know that being in the company of somebody who is making us feel loved, or whom we love, or with whom we are falling in love, is very exciting.
It produces a rollercoaster of emotional hormones and brain chemicals including oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone.
Now it’s clear that whether or not you want to go skydiving or mountaineering with a partner, you can have a much better chance of establishing a relationship if you’re sharing something that you both enjoy doing.
So you might want to look for something that makes your man – your lover to be – excited and happy.
For example, imagine going zip lining compared to having dinner with somebody.
Which do you think would be the experience that leads you to a greater chance of connection and love? Sure, dinner is nice, and it might lead to romance, but the thrill of zip lining through the woods – if that’s what rocks your boat – will leave you with a shared experience that is very memorable.
And it makes sense that you fall in love faster when you’re in an excited or aroused emotional state. Again, what will be more exciting? Skiing down the Alps with dinner afterwards, or just having dinner?
OK, I think I made the point. And you don’t have to do dangerous sports or activities that you normally wouldn’t touch – it’s a matter of finding shared activities which excite and thrill you.
Basically, the bottom line is that when you have great experiences with a man, you consciously and unconsciously associate him with the experience – and of course he’s going to associate his heightened emotional state with you.
And it’s true, when you have these at shared experiences they are a great foundation for a loving relationship.
In other words, if you want to have a man fall in love with you, find something that goes beyond the normal for your dates.
3 Share Intimacy
Obviously your first thoughts when I mention “intimacy” may well be about sex, but I’m not talking about sex.
I’m talking about sharing intimate situations – and that could be as simple as communicating directly and honestly from the heart, or it could be taking something like a Tantra course together, or it could be something which brings you into connection with each other in a way that you wouldn’t normally experience. You, as a woman, have a powerful Lover archetype energy inside you (also known as the Feeling Body). This is apart of you which is designed to naturally connect with other people, in friendship, love or sexual intimacy. It can certainly attract the more masculine energy of a man’s sovereign or King archetype.
Finding heart-centred places where you can open your heart safely to your lover to be, the man whom you want to fall in love with you, is something that needs to be done with care and attention to your own safety.
Exposing your vulnerability can be risky, because not everybody will respect that in the way you would like them to. But with care and attention, you can find places like well-held workshops and experiences where you and your man will be able to spend intimate time together.
That way, you’ll find yourself getting to know your man more quickly and more deeply than you would have ever thought possible.
4 Use Your Feminine Charm
I’m not suggesting you start trying to manipulate a man into loving you. That would be crazy, because ultimately you can’t make anybody, least of all a man, love you.
What you can do is show them the honest and open side of yourself that they will fall in love with. And as you do that, you can communicate the excitement and joys that lie ahead for you both.
And I’m talking here specifically about sex. But I want you to understand that this doesn’t need to be done in a crass way, which makes you look like you’re obsessed with sex!
(Don’t forget, men still like to believe in the old cliche of a whore in the bedroom and a Madonna in the home. In other words, they want a woman who is really ready to enter joyfully and happily into sex with her whole spirit and being, while also maintaining integrity, authenticity and honesty in the relationship.)
So when you think of your lover to be, you can think what it might be like to be physically intimate with him, and you can convey your delight, anticipation and joy about that through your voice, your eyes, and your touch.
But do it subtly, without being overtly sexual.
Men notice these things, and twirling your hair around your finger or touching your leg while thinking that sexy thoughts…. well, that will tell him all he needs to know about the sexual delights you have in store for him.
My only advice to you here is that if you really don’t want to get sexual with the man, or you’re not certain about it, don’t send those messages just yet….. wait a little bit longer until you’re certain.
5 Help Him To Feel Like He’s Your Hero
If you don’t truly respect a man, then what are you doing with him in the first place?
But if you do respect him, then you can show him how wonderful he is, either by telling him directly or by saying it to others in front of him.
What you may not understand, perhaps, about men, is that they are very vulnerable creatures. What they want is a woman’s appreciation, love and, above everything else, her respect.
For a man, your respect is just about the most important thing you can give him. It’s like him cherishing you above all else.
So these are some of the ways in which you can help a man understand your intention to love him. And since you are a woman, and you really do know how to make a man love you, it should be easy to get the relationship you want!
Once again, make no mistake about it, that if you’re looking to capture a man’s heart and make him love you forever, then one of the best ways to do it is with authenticity and integrity.
*To learn more about the ideas of archetypes, shadow and the unconscious, check out this helpful website which describes the male archetypes of King Warrior Magician and Lover in detail.